I feel great compassion for everyone who is single and struggling this time of year. It can be hard. Really hard. For many years I traveled “home” for the holidays alone and if I’m honest, it was always hard.
 
My worst single Christmas was probably when I was 19. I was having a rough time adjusting to my sophomore year of college. My parents had moved 11 hours away, the college dorms closed for the holiday, and I moved into an apartment with 2 college friends for the 3 week break. I missed my friends from high school, who were all home for the holidays, and I couldn’t be near them.
 
Without my input, or without serious consideration of my input, my family decided to celebrate Christmas at my grandparent’s house in Florida for the first time. My parents purchased an airplane ticket for me. I was to fly on Christmas Eve.
 
I drove through the cold and snow to Pittsburgh’s airport and waited patiently until I was told my flight was indefinitely delayed. The earliest I would potentially arrive in Florida was 2am. Already irritated by not being able to be home and having to fly to a decidedly not cold or Christmassy location for the holiday, I considered cancelling my flight. Instead, I rescheduled myself on an early flight the next day. Christmas Day.
 
I left the airport and drove to my home church, an hour away, for the Christmas Eve service. I then headed back to my temporary apartment for a few hours of sleep before rousing myself out of bed for my 8am flight. I arrived in Florida before noon. It was already warm and felt nothing like Christmas. I was exhausted and annoyed.
 
My grandparent’s house was a typical Florida home in a development where all the houses looked the same. It was one level with three bedrooms and a screened in patio with a hot tub. My parents and my brother, along with his long-time girlfriend, were already there.
 
As I walked in my grandmother said to me, “Hi! You can put your stuff in our bathtub.”
 
I scrunched my face into a scowl of confusion and offense. Bathtub? I just spent Christmas Eve and Day at the airport so that I could live out of a bathtub? Where was I going to sleep?
 
It turned out the plan was for me to sleep on the living room floor. Since it was a public space and the main entertaining area of the house, my personal items would be in the way if I left them in the living room, hence, the request to place them in the bathtub.
 
I can assure you that my suitcase remained in the living room.
 
Where was everyone else sleeping? They all had bedrooms with actual beds and doors that closed. I was given a sleeping bag and a pillow to go along with the living room carpet. It was far from comfortable and had zero privacy.
 
If I have to identify one reason why it is hard to be single, particularly on the holidays, for me it’s this – sometimes it feels like people, family and friends alike, treat you like you can be stashed anywhere.
 
There is something about being a lone guest that makes it assumed you can sleep anywhere. An air mattress in a room the size of a closet, on the couch where the dog usually sleeps, in the basement surrounded by cats, or like on this occasion, on the highly trafficked and highly visible living room floor.
 
Being single can mean you don’t get the same accommodations, personal space, or good night’s sleep that everyone else gets.
 
I understand that it’s practical to give the bedroom to a couple because there are two of them and most beds are made for two.
 
I understand there is only so much sleeping space available in a house and you have to make do. I get that. But when you’re single you are always the one to be stashed in the leftover, awkward, uncomfortable space that was never designed for sleeping.
 
Every time.
 
It gets old.
 
If I sound a little spoiled, it’s because I am, but at the heart of my message is this – being single is hard and the holidays can be the time of year a single person needs to feel loved, valued, and respected by friends and family the most. There may not be any other options, but asking someone to sleep in an oversized broom closet (or a bathtub) might make them feel like they are an inconvenience and an afterthought. Remember to tell them that they’re not.
 
If you are alone on an air mattress right now, next to a bubbling fish tank, surrounded by old shoes and spilled fish food, I’m with you in spirit. I’ll come visit and we’ll sit together until your air mattress deflates just enough so that both of us are touching the ground.
 
I need to add a note here to disclose that I am writing this post about being single as a married woman. While my situation has changed, I was single for a long time and my words are from my personal experience. Also, being married is hard too but you usually don’t have to sleep on the floor.