Raise your hand if you went to a holiday party this weekend. Now raise your other hand if you wish you had stayed home on your couch watching Netflix instead.
 
Me too!
 
Oh, except that’s exactly what I did.
 
In a former life I loved holiday parties. I loved work holiday parties that started in a nice restaurant at noon and ended at midnight at a local bar, everyone rosy cheeked and a bit disheveled. I loved seeing my colleagues dressed up, having a drink, and letting their non-work personality make an appearance for a bit. Plus the workplace gossip was as free flowing as the beer and wine.
 
My friends used to throw great parties around the holidays too. I remember cookie exchanges and eggnog that was carefully cured for seven days, ready just in time for guests to arrive. We had mistletoe and decorations and presents. It was lovely.
 
But times have changed and my life has changed and holiday parties feel like muss and fuss instead of joy and good cheer.
 
Oh, and also, I didn’t get invited to any. Did I forget to mention that?
 
It’s true. Holiday parties haven’t been part of my life for a few years. I work remotely and my company hosts holiday parties at our office locations. Since I don’t work anywhere near them, I’m not invited. And I’m sure my friends are having great parties again this year but I don’t live near my friends anymore so, no parties for me.
 
Parties are lost in yesteryear. They are hanging out with my Care Bears and my friends from high school. They are dancing with my grandmother and drinking scotch with my grandfather.
 
The holidays always have me longing for yesteryear. Where exactly is yesteryear and how can I get there? Sometimes I think if I close my eyes, and wish hard enough, when I open them I’ll be there, making cookies with my grandfather again.
 

 
Christmas for me often feels more like Christmuss. Yes, you read that right. Do you know what muss means? I wasn’t exactly sure so I looked it up. I’ve never really used the word except for my occasional uttering of a jaunty, “No muss, no fuss!”
 
Anyway, it means, “a state of disorder.”
 
Whoa nelly, if that doesn’t sum up December and basically all of 2017 I don’t know what does. But it’s my emotions that really get mussed this time of year.
 
Instead of crashing holiday parties, I’m hiding on my couch, under my blanket, with a fun beverage, my fuzzy dog, and maybe a holiday movie or two. That’s basically what I did last year and you know what? It worked for me.
 
You see, yesteryear is a place you can only visit in your memory. The trip there and back is always bittersweet. Sometimes it’s not easy to think about the days gone by, the loved ones we’ve lost, the memories of being young, the days we’ll never repeat. Yesteryear can be a place of great joy and great grief, that’s why a round trip is mandatory. We shouldn’t stay in the past but our present just wouldn’t feel right if we didn’t visit occasionally.
 
If you’re feeling messy and mussy about the holidays, I’m with you. Holidays have never lived up to my unrealistic expectations, but I’m a sucker for bittersweet memories. When I’m lost in the mess and the muss, home instead of partying, snoring instead of caroling, I’m going to wax nostalgic for yesteryear from the comfort of my living room. Grab a blanket and join me. After all, it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesteryear.