January is Not My New Year

January 18, 2018

After reading post after post, year after year, about goals and resolutions and starting fresh in the new year, I have had a much needed realization. January is a terrible time for me to start anything and I am doing myself a disservice by believing otherwise.
 
From now on, I’m not subscribing to the hype. January is not the beginning of my new year. January is the ending of my old year.
 
The holidays are always a blurred combination of rest and exhaustion for me. I don’t come down from the hype of fall, football, Thanksgiving, and Christmas gently. It’s more like a free fall that starts on December 26th. When I crash land onto January 1st the world is telling me to be rejuvenated, to start my life over with healthy, positive habits, and to be motivated to set and achieve new goals.
 
Are you kidding me?
 
I can barely convince myself to get out of bed in the morning. When January arrives I’m equally relieved and depressed that the holidays are over. I’m prepared for and blindsided by the fact that another year has come and gone. I don’t know what to make of life other than it feels much gloomier than it did a few days ago.
 
In January I’m not really interested in drinking lemon infused water, reading two books a week, balancing my checkbook, and going to the gym twice a day. I’m interested in staying in bed and waiting for the weekend. January is not the best time for me to start anything.
 
For me, January is about regrouping and recovering, resting and reflecting. It is not about being the best version of myself. It is about me accepting the version of myself that I am right now.
 
January is not a month of action. It is a time for me to think about what I want to keep, what I want to change, and what I want my life to look like this year. I can’t do that in November and December. There is too much going on to carve out time to intentionally reflect on any part of myself.
 
Every time I’ve tried to start January off with a goal or aspiration or resolution, or whatever you want to call it, I’ve failed. No, January is not my month to start over anew. January is a month to stop and restore myself to a level where I can fully operate again.
 
Yes, there are things about myself and my life I want to change. Sure, there are habits I need to break and other ones I need to build. But today, right now, this month, is not the right time and I’m okay with that.
 
I’m meeting myself where I am, I’m sitting down, and I’m staying put for awhile.
 
From now on, I’m starting my year when I’m ready. Not when the world tells me to. Sorry January, we were never meant to be. You’re just not my new year.
 

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