Life is Beautiful, Complicated, and Temporary

I have done a lot this month, especially for me. My days and nights are usually spent at home and are relatively quiet. This month I’ve been reminded I need to change my routine, shake up my daily pattern, and re-wire my brain on a much more regular basis than I currently do, which is never. Alone time is healing for me, a solo road trip can reconnect me with myself within minutes, and time with my girlfriends is always too short. I’ve thought a lot about who I am, what family really means, the reality of our mortality, and the spectrum of selfishness this month. There is still another week in July and my brain is already pretty full.
In a typical month I work a lot, cook bad dinners, and think about how I should spend time with other people. I think about how I should learn to cook good dinners, make improvements around my house, and continue to work on myself. This month I have spent a lot of time with friends and family, traveled, taken time off, made changes to home decor, spent time alone, and read memoir after memoir. I’ve been fighting some kind of cold or cough almost the entire time, leaving my energy level through all this lower than I would have liked. Colds don’t usually linger with me for weeks but this one is stubborn and/or is now psychosomatic and has likely been gone for days. Or it could be allergies and I should get used to it being around. Either way, its constant companionship was a reminder that I am not so young anymore and mortality is still part of the deal.
I took a much needed week off from work that started with a short visit with my niece and nephew and ended with the funeral of my grandfather’s wife. In between I traveled to Niagara Falls with my girlfriends, celebrated the birthday of my friend’s son along with her entire family, rested, rearranged furniture, cleaned and organized, read books and blogs, relaxed, and thought about life. I spent time with babies nearing their first birthday and my grandfather nearing his 95th. I had new adventures with old friends. I sat on the shores of Lake Ontario then found myself in a cemetery not 24 hours later. There was sadness and laughter this month but no breakaway joy. It was exhausting and rejuvenating at the same time. I feel full but disconnected.
I can summarize my July as being one big reminder that life is beautiful, complicated, and temporary. I am thankful it is all three.



  1. Amy on July 23, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    YES to all of this. Love you dude!

    • Courtney A. Casto on July 24, 2017 at 11:54 am

      Thanks dude!

  2. Erinn on July 24, 2017 at 10:27 am

    So glad you’ve been taking time for yourself this month! It’s completely okay to be selfish every once and a while – you are important too! I have found that I need alone time – it’s exhausting to constantly be around a group of people all the time. Sometimes people think I’m being rude but really I think I’m just more introverted than I appear to be. Have a great last week of July!

    • Courtney A. Casto on July 24, 2017 at 11:54 am

      Thanks Erinn! I definitely need alone time to recharge. I also forget how much going to a new place or doing something different rejuvenates me until I do it. Then I come home tired but happy!

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